How to grow your confidence

As a teen, I wasn’t confident. Bullied during my school years, I always knew I was different. I was weird (I still am) and I had a drive that no one else had. People would ask me questions, and I would be too shy to answer them. I was an easy target.

Today, I’m confident, the happiest I’ve ever been, and I don’t apologise for it. Why should I? A journey with insecurities and low self-esteem is extremely hard to overcome. I believe that confidence is something we should celebrate.

The other day, a friend asked me how I developed confidence, and as a result, I’m going to share this personal post with you.

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Being who you are inside & out – loving yourself

You need to accept who you are, inside and out. Never try to be someone else or someone you’re not. You will be forever searching for comfort when all along, it’s within (PS I’m fully aware of how cringeworthy I sound, but it’s all true).

Fall in love with the strengths of your personality. Appreciate your: witty, smart, graceful, happy, motivated, assertive, organised and/or caring self. Dance, sing, speak: do the things that make you feel confident. It’s about being aware of makes you feel insecure and what makes you feel confident. I’ve been in situations where I could feel my confidence deteriorate, so I got up and removed myself. Surround yourself with people who ignite your positive attributes.

Fall in love with the flaws of your physical body. Accept it for what it is. If you’re unhappy with your body, do not whinge or compare yourself to someone else. Fall in love with your body. When someone tells you how beautiful you are, believe them.

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Risks

I see so much potential in my some of my friends that they cannot recognise in themselves because they lack the self-esteem to go and get what they want. Hate to break it to you folks; nothing will ever come to you on a white horse. Smart people do things directly or indirectly to get what they want:

Here are some examples:

Friend A wants to land their dream job, but they don’t think they’re good enough to apply. As Richard Branson said: “If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity, but you are not sure if you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later”. I hesitated for a long time not to quit my secure job to go freelance, simply because I didn’t believe that I could do it. Since then, I’ve had incredible opportunities that I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t take the leap. Weigh the risks, and be aware of what your gut is telling you.

Friend B wants to fall in love, have amazing sex and relationship. They lack the confidence to leave the miserable one they’re currently in, or if single, they don’t think they’re good enough to communicate with that potential partner who could turn out to be ‘the one’. You get one shot at this life. As the saying goes, you don’t ask; you don’t get.

Friend C wants to have a fit, banging body to feel comfortable in, but they’re self-conscious and is scared of people staring at them in the gym. It’s a catch 22. I’ll be honest; no one gives a flying f*ck about what you look like because they’re thinking about themselves. That’s the truth. Do what you want to do without the need to seek approval from others.

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Learning to stop giving a f*ck about other people think

Aslong as it’s not a situation where your friend is trying to get you out of danger with their advice, then do not give a flying what people think. If people don’t like it, they can back off. You’re in your situation, not them. You do what you want because it’s what you wanted to do, at the time.

I’ve elaborated on this in my goals post but here’s a refresher.

  • Those who are confident in business are successful because they’re content with failure
  • Those who are trusting in their social lives are sure because they’re comfortable with rejection
  • Those who are self-sufficient in their relationships are trusting because they’re healthy enough to bear the risk of getting hurt

Be comfortable with the bad, to reap the good.

People who attack your self-esteem and confidence are well aware of your potential, even if you’re not. Once you’ve developed confidence, you will notice that you eat, sleep, and feel better.

I hope this post has inspired you to be more confident. Believe in yourself, believe that you can go for what you want and that you deserve it.

Location: Holland Park, London

Photographer: Brendan Donnelly (Insta here)

Burberry Coat | Black Blouse | Leather ShortsQuay Sunglasses | Nars Foundation in Ceylan | Nars Concealer in Ginger | Urban Decay 3 | Loreal Liquid EyelinerLancome Mascara | Red Lipstick |

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